12 Weeks - Almost There!

We are almost into the next step. Almost into the clear. We have our NT Scan on Thursday morning to make sure sprout is still growing correctly and then I will be releasing the duct tape from my mom and mother in laws mouths. The town should know approximately 2.5 seconds after the tape is removed. They have been very good though.

This week has been very uneventful, except my jeans are UNCOMFORTABLE! My dress pants are still fine, my jeans suck!!!! I tried to find a pair of jeans yesterday but its hard to find cute baby momma jeans in short sizes, they are all really really long!!! I will check ebay and online. Hopefully I can find something. I have a good friend loaning me a bunch of dress pants and capris so I am excited about that. Woohoo!!! I may have to enlist ebay!!!

11 Weeks

We've made it so far. We are almost officially into the clear. We have this week ahead and then our NT scan is 3/22. After that scan we'll let our parents tell people, which means the whole world will know in an hour! haha!!!

I've actually let myself start looking at things we need to buy, etc. I was afraid it would jinx me but I have realized it is what it is. So far nothing has changed except the enormously large melons that sit below my neck. I just look like I bought a cheap push up bra. lol I did have to go buy some new shoes yesterday. My heels just HURT. So I bought some cute, comfy flats and a pair of only mid-high heels. Not my normal shoes. I am excited my jeans and work pants still fit.

My appt. this week I haven't gained a pound in 2 weeks, they were happy with that. They said too many people pull the 'I can eat what I want' too early and end up 45+ lbs. I am hoping that won't be me!!! Even though it will be hot this summer, I'd rather be pregnant in the summer with all the fresh fruits and veggies. Winter has such a sucky selection!!! Plus it IS ice cream season too! ;)

One more week and we are in the clear, well the 99% clear, which is makes me very happy!!!! :)

9 Weeks and the Cold that won't die!

Well we've made it one more week. I spent most of the week with a horrible headcold. Just stuffy nose, sinus pressure, etc. Took 2 days off work, felt alot better when I went back on Thurs and Fri, woke up this morning feeling like crap again! UGH!!!! It's just me and saline nasal spray.

Other than that, I feel fine. Nothing major this week. We have an appointment on Monday, our first OB exam. Hoping Sprout is still growing strong in there. I don't know how to get over the anxiety that it could all be gone tomorrow. I know miscarriage after seeing a heartbeat is like 1% but it's still very stressful.

I can't wait to start feeling better as I was cleared to go back to the gym. Just walking on the treadmill but it's more than I've been able to do since the first of January. I'm feeling very blah because I can't atleast walk. I was cleared on Monday but got a cold monday night so...haven't been feeling up to it yet.

So far clothes are still fitting, that's a plus. Considering when I'm sick, all I eat are Carbs (bananas, cereal, toast, noodles, and rice). I'm really bad at that when I'm sick. Hopefully next week I can get back into my normal types of food.

8 Weeks

Well we made it another week. So far so good. Nothing major symptom wise except I could take a 3 hour nap every night after work. I did get pretty nauseous Valentines Day Night. So we didn't do anything, I napped and had cereal and Dustin worked on cleaning the computer room and had leftovers. He didn't mind though, Valentines Day isn't a big deal to us. Just another day really.

I have a Dr. Appt on monday but it's just a family history appointment to go over all the history and see what screening we should have done based on that.

This week I was offered a new job, which is awesome. Only a few people at work know that I am pregnant and I am waiting until 12 weeks to tell them. My one boss does know and she said "this will allow you to work from home if you get too sick to come in to work and allow more flexibility with your schedule" WOOHOO!!! That's awesome! I really do work for a great company, minus the major drama and power struggles that go on, but I'm sure every company has that to some degree.

7 Weeks

Yes kids, that's correct. I'm 7 weeks. And trying to get through the next 5 weeks. So far so good, no major problems. We had our u/s on Wednesday and there is one strong little baby in there, beating away like crazy. And one empty sac, so they both implanted but only one survived to my 6 week scan. That's ok though, one is fabulous in my mind. I'm actually starting to get excited over this. I can't believe it. I know I'm not out of the clear, but it's in gods hands now. I can only eat well and take care of myself. The rest is up to him.

We are keeping it a secret in real life except to our immediate family and few close friends. We are keeping it that way until the 12 week go ahead.

:)

Very Long Process

I thought the 2 week wait from transfer to test was hard. The 3 weeks from test to u/s are even worse!!!!! I spotted a little yesterday and again on Wednesday but the dr. said it's normal for ivf patients. I hope so! I'm trying not to get excited because I know 2 positive blood tests this early aren't always going to come out with a positive outcome. I am very hopeful but I am also preparing for how cruel the real world can be. I'm trying to stay away from Google and only visit those few boards that are FET/IVF related and try to keep stress free. But dang this has been the longest few weeks of my life!!!!

Super Bowl tonight and we have no plans. We haven't had plans for most of the past couple weeks, I've been too tired most of the time. Super Bowl really isn't that exciting for us because the Steelers aren't in it. That's our hometown team. It's really tonight all about the commercials and the half time show.

Some People Are Just A$$holes!

Some people just blow my mind that spread rumors. OMG! So I found out from someone i used to work with than an old crazy bitch boss of mine is telling people i'm pregnant! WTF! My life is this persons business when I haven't worked there in 6 FREAKING YEARS!!!! I'm beyond pissed off. This is honestly the ONE thing I hate about living in a small town! Stupid Nosy Freaking People!

I feel like a BALLOON

I'm SO BLOATED that if you popped my stomach I would probably float around the room like a popped balloon. Hopefully this is a good sign. Bloating is good in this process right?? Other than that, nothing really different going on symptom wise. Still haven't told any of the parents, want to wait until we are for SURE.

Dustin's currently working on renovating the laundry room. We bought front-loader stackables when we moved in so we could put a wash bin in for the dog. Well dog has turned into dogs and tubby and more tubby are too fat for the wash bin. So we took it out and are unstacking the washer and dryer and putting kitchen cabinets above for storage. We are also repainting. :) He hates the color, but he'll get over it. He always does.

The waiting game

The waiting game literally sucks!!!! lol. I hate having to wait a week for every "milestone" I'm an instant gratification kind of person, that's why I have a kindle. When I want a new book I want it now. I don't want to wait for it to come in the mail, or drive to the store. I want it now! :) That's how I roll.

So far So good!

Beta #1 was yesterday. My level was 651. They like to see above 100 for 14 days past transfer. So I have a very high number. I'm happy but also weary. I know that there are so many more milestones to hit. I have to go back the 1st for another test to see if it has tripled. Then they will schedule me for an u/s to see what's in there, and how many. It's so hard, I feel like i have been robbed of being able to have any excitement. I worry everytime I go to the bathroom, every twinge I have, every test I have to take for fear that it will be taken from me. This should be an exciting time, but it's so hard to be excited when I know how reality can be. Hopefully if we get a good report next week, we'll tell our parents at that time, I don't want to get anyone's hopes up. We did that the last time and it was a hard time.

3 days until Test day

We had our transfer on Jan 11 and we have our blood test to see if Round #2 worked. This time I am feeling alot different than I did the last time around. I'm hoping that's good. Wednesday is milestone #1. There are many more that we have to hit for this to actually "work" and I am trying to be positive. It's so hard though. Especially when I don't have my family to lean on. We decided this time around to not tell them, it was just too hard the last time to let them down. This time we only told a few people just to have a saving grace. I never realized how hard this would be to hide! Sooo good thoughts for milestone #1!

Goodbye 2011 ~ Hello 2012

Well it's officially 2012. Thank GOD! 2011 literally was one of the crappier years in the past many we've had. I am hoping 2012 is a little better and hopefully more exciting.

This year I have chosen Acceptance as my word of the year. I have accept the things I cannot change and try not to let it affect the rest of my life. This year I have become very "sharp and pokey" towards people and I need to change that.I need to use the motto from work "It is what it is!"

I also need to work on being less of a clutter keeper and hoarder. My house is full of useless paper that I don't need to keep. Maybe this year will be less clutter both in house and in mind.

Thanksgiving, Black Friday, and Decorating for Christmas

That's what my time off from work has consumed. Wednesday I spent the day cleaning the house and getting ready for thanksgiving. Thanksgiving Day i had dinner at my house. And it was awesome. My turkey was great! Stuffing was awesome! And noone fought! woohoo!! I even got a 2 hour rest/nap/tv relaxation in before we had to leave for my mother in laws for dinner. Yes we still have to do 2 dinners every holiday but having one at my house makes it much easier on us. We only have to leave the house once, not twice.

Friday morning mom and I headed out Black Friday shopping. We didn't leave my house until 7:30 and got to the mall about 8:30 and it wasn't packed. I was shocked. This is the 6th year we've done this and I was amazed. We got a close parking spot, there were plenty open. Walked in and barely waiting in line. Got all our door busters we wanted. Went to lunch around 12:00 and walked right in to a table at Max and Ermas. Even Target and Kohls were manageable. Normally we don't get home until 6-7 pm and we were home by 4! It was an awesome day.

Well...almost awesome. Princess Daisy got into a fight with some animal at the farm and her ear got cut. Ear cuts on dogs are like head wounds on people. They bleed and bleed and bleed. Just when we thought it wasn't bleeding, she'd shake her head and voila more blood. Right now her head is gauzed and taped to she doesn't get blood everywhere. Going to be a LONG winter with her I have a feeling!!!

Today I have been puttering around decorating for xmas. I have a bunch of stuff on a list to get at Michaels tonight to finish up. Pictures to follow! :)

Thanksgiving Week

Seems crazy that Thanksgiving is this week. I can't believe how fast 2011 has zoomed by us. Probably a good thing considering all the shitty stuff we've gone though. 2012 WILL be better, it HAS to be.

I have started my Thanksgiving food list. This year we are having lunch here and then dinner at my mother in laws. She doesn't want to be in the same room with my father in law so she does her own dinner. We are having the basics, turkey, stuffing, mashed taters, butternut squash, cooked carrots, pie, and cranberry sauce. We'll also be having Birthday Cake since my brother is 37 TODAY and we'll be having his birthday cake with Thanksgiving. He is getting to be an old man. Seems like just yesterday we were fighting like crazy in our teens and now he's a dad. Doesn't seem like we can be this old!!! :)

The day after the big negative news

Today was much better than yesterday, I only cried ONCE! I told my dad and my brother both and didn't even tear up. I am still a little bitter over the whole deal, but it's more that we have to go through it, not that it didn't work. All these pieces of trash have tons of kids, don't take care of them, the state pays for them, and they can get knocked up like it's nothing. The people that CAN AFFORD a child and REALLY WANT ONE, have to pay for one. Where's the justice in that? The state of PA is one of many that doesn't require ins. companies to pay any amount of fertility treatments, but yet will pay for people on welfare to have 3 kids and pay for them for 18 years of their life. UGH!!!!

The good news is - The next chapter - 2012! My dr. is awesome too. He personally called us last night at 7 pm to express his sincerity in that it didn't work and hopes that we will not give up hope. UH Cleveland really is a wonderful place!!!! I recommend it to anyone that is going through this process or has to go through something similar.

My main goal in the next month is to enjoy the holidays, relax, exercise, and enjoy being "hormone free" for a while. And then we can start full force after the first of the year. Hopefully by this time next year I'm typing to you all on my laptop with a baby sleeping in my lap!

Negative

:( Just doesn't seem fair!!

Thankfully I have an awesome wonderful husband, a great family, and some kick ass friends to help me through this.

Well Crammit!

I'm spotting. Not cool. I have my first blood pg test on thursday morning. But I can pretty much tell by the spotting, this cycle didn't work. I'm not entirely devastated, but I'm pretty upset. So upset that I left work at 2:00 pm today. And I'm never that way. I've worked through alot without getting upset. I find myself to be a pretty strong woman. But this...just kicked me right in the gut! I know this happens to 30% of women that end up pregnant, but i can tell by the way my body feels, it's not going to happen this time.

But I still have to wait until thursday for the big "blood test" to confirm what I already know. Which really really sucks!!! 3 more nights of shots in the ass for nothing. DH said that if it ends up positive on thursday he's going to kick my ass. I highly doubt that. I know I seem to be a little negative, but after everything we have gone though, this just seems like one more dart on our dart board.

Trying to think good thoughts....but it's hard!

6 Totsicles!

Yes I said totsicles. lol. We were able to have 6 of our embryos frozen for possible use later down the road. I am very happy with this. If our first fresh cycle fails, we have the option now of trying another fresh cycle, or trying to transfer one of our frozen ones. Frozen transfer is alot cheaper than the fresh cycle. That's probably a leading deciding factor if this one doesn't work.

So far I am 5 days past transfer and can't test for another WEEK. I've done ok this past 5 days but this is going to take alot of strength to get by until next week when I can test and see if this baby stuck!!!

Dustin's been wonderful but a little too overprotective. He thinks that if I move too much the embryo might fall out. Yeah that's not going to happen. Atleast I hope not! :)

Boring Sunday

I am supposed to rest all day today and yesterday and I am bored out of my mind. I have watched about 3 movies and tried to read but nothing is keeping my interest. I know it's for a good cause but holy crap, what I wouldn't do to be able to go to the store!!! lol.

I haven't had a whole lot of symptoms over this whole time frame, except tiredness and today out of the blue I got extremely nauseous. My friend tells me it's my body preparing myself for when i do get pregnant. The worst part is the shots in the butt Dustin has to give me. They are a pain and they hurt if you don't heat them for a decent amount of time afterwards. And with Dustin harvesting corn at the farm all day and night, he's had to run home at 9:30 every night to "shoot me in the butt"

Seed has been Planted

Now Grow Baby Grow!

We had our embryo transfer this morning and it went very well. The Dr's told us our embryo was BEAUTIFUL. It was a very interesting experience, but i have nothing but great things to say about the UH Macdonald Facility in Cleveland, OH. They are a wonderful facility and have some great people that work with them. Everyone makes you feel very hopeful that this really could work. We decided to only have one embryo transferred. My dr is very against multiple births as they can cause many problems for the mother and children. We have trust in our Dr. so we went with his suggestions.

Now it's a waiting game. I have to rest all weekend, blech!!! I don't do well resting when I feel fine. But it's for a good cause!!! Then after this weekend I have to wait until the 17th for my first blood test. The only thing now is to not go crazy and think "stick baby stick" thoughts!