Thanksgiving, Black Friday, and Decorating for Christmas

That's what my time off from work has consumed. Wednesday I spent the day cleaning the house and getting ready for thanksgiving. Thanksgiving Day i had dinner at my house. And it was awesome. My turkey was great! Stuffing was awesome! And noone fought! woohoo!! I even got a 2 hour rest/nap/tv relaxation in before we had to leave for my mother in laws for dinner. Yes we still have to do 2 dinners every holiday but having one at my house makes it much easier on us. We only have to leave the house once, not twice.

Friday morning mom and I headed out Black Friday shopping. We didn't leave my house until 7:30 and got to the mall about 8:30 and it wasn't packed. I was shocked. This is the 6th year we've done this and I was amazed. We got a close parking spot, there were plenty open. Walked in and barely waiting in line. Got all our door busters we wanted. Went to lunch around 12:00 and walked right in to a table at Max and Ermas. Even Target and Kohls were manageable. Normally we don't get home until 6-7 pm and we were home by 4! It was an awesome day.

Well...almost awesome. Princess Daisy got into a fight with some animal at the farm and her ear got cut. Ear cuts on dogs are like head wounds on people. They bleed and bleed and bleed. Just when we thought it wasn't bleeding, she'd shake her head and voila more blood. Right now her head is gauzed and taped to she doesn't get blood everywhere. Going to be a LONG winter with her I have a feeling!!!

Today I have been puttering around decorating for xmas. I have a bunch of stuff on a list to get at Michaels tonight to finish up. Pictures to follow! :)

Thanksgiving Week

Seems crazy that Thanksgiving is this week. I can't believe how fast 2011 has zoomed by us. Probably a good thing considering all the shitty stuff we've gone though. 2012 WILL be better, it HAS to be.

I have started my Thanksgiving food list. This year we are having lunch here and then dinner at my mother in laws. She doesn't want to be in the same room with my father in law so she does her own dinner. We are having the basics, turkey, stuffing, mashed taters, butternut squash, cooked carrots, pie, and cranberry sauce. We'll also be having Birthday Cake since my brother is 37 TODAY and we'll be having his birthday cake with Thanksgiving. He is getting to be an old man. Seems like just yesterday we were fighting like crazy in our teens and now he's a dad. Doesn't seem like we can be this old!!! :)

The day after the big negative news

Today was much better than yesterday, I only cried ONCE! I told my dad and my brother both and didn't even tear up. I am still a little bitter over the whole deal, but it's more that we have to go through it, not that it didn't work. All these pieces of trash have tons of kids, don't take care of them, the state pays for them, and they can get knocked up like it's nothing. The people that CAN AFFORD a child and REALLY WANT ONE, have to pay for one. Where's the justice in that? The state of PA is one of many that doesn't require ins. companies to pay any amount of fertility treatments, but yet will pay for people on welfare to have 3 kids and pay for them for 18 years of their life. UGH!!!!

The good news is - The next chapter - 2012! My dr. is awesome too. He personally called us last night at 7 pm to express his sincerity in that it didn't work and hopes that we will not give up hope. UH Cleveland really is a wonderful place!!!! I recommend it to anyone that is going through this process or has to go through something similar.

My main goal in the next month is to enjoy the holidays, relax, exercise, and enjoy being "hormone free" for a while. And then we can start full force after the first of the year. Hopefully by this time next year I'm typing to you all on my laptop with a baby sleeping in my lap!

Negative

:( Just doesn't seem fair!!

Thankfully I have an awesome wonderful husband, a great family, and some kick ass friends to help me through this.

Well Crammit!

I'm spotting. Not cool. I have my first blood pg test on thursday morning. But I can pretty much tell by the spotting, this cycle didn't work. I'm not entirely devastated, but I'm pretty upset. So upset that I left work at 2:00 pm today. And I'm never that way. I've worked through alot without getting upset. I find myself to be a pretty strong woman. But this...just kicked me right in the gut! I know this happens to 30% of women that end up pregnant, but i can tell by the way my body feels, it's not going to happen this time.

But I still have to wait until thursday for the big "blood test" to confirm what I already know. Which really really sucks!!! 3 more nights of shots in the ass for nothing. DH said that if it ends up positive on thursday he's going to kick my ass. I highly doubt that. I know I seem to be a little negative, but after everything we have gone though, this just seems like one more dart on our dart board.

Trying to think good thoughts....but it's hard!

6 Totsicles!

Yes I said totsicles. lol. We were able to have 6 of our embryos frozen for possible use later down the road. I am very happy with this. If our first fresh cycle fails, we have the option now of trying another fresh cycle, or trying to transfer one of our frozen ones. Frozen transfer is alot cheaper than the fresh cycle. That's probably a leading deciding factor if this one doesn't work.

So far I am 5 days past transfer and can't test for another WEEK. I've done ok this past 5 days but this is going to take alot of strength to get by until next week when I can test and see if this baby stuck!!!

Dustin's been wonderful but a little too overprotective. He thinks that if I move too much the embryo might fall out. Yeah that's not going to happen. Atleast I hope not! :)

Boring Sunday

I am supposed to rest all day today and yesterday and I am bored out of my mind. I have watched about 3 movies and tried to read but nothing is keeping my interest. I know it's for a good cause but holy crap, what I wouldn't do to be able to go to the store!!! lol.

I haven't had a whole lot of symptoms over this whole time frame, except tiredness and today out of the blue I got extremely nauseous. My friend tells me it's my body preparing myself for when i do get pregnant. The worst part is the shots in the butt Dustin has to give me. They are a pain and they hurt if you don't heat them for a decent amount of time afterwards. And with Dustin harvesting corn at the farm all day and night, he's had to run home at 9:30 every night to "shoot me in the butt"

Seed has been Planted

Now Grow Baby Grow!

We had our embryo transfer this morning and it went very well. The Dr's told us our embryo was BEAUTIFUL. It was a very interesting experience, but i have nothing but great things to say about the UH Macdonald Facility in Cleveland, OH. They are a wonderful facility and have some great people that work with them. Everyone makes you feel very hopeful that this really could work. We decided to only have one embryo transferred. My dr is very against multiple births as they can cause many problems for the mother and children. We have trust in our Dr. so we went with his suggestions.

Now it's a waiting game. I have to rest all weekend, blech!!! I don't do well resting when I feel fine. But it's for a good cause!!! Then after this weekend I have to wait until the 17th for my first blood test. The only thing now is to not go crazy and think "stick baby stick" thoughts!

Retreival Done...Next stop Transfer

Well I made it through all the meds and through Retrevial. We did the retrevial on Monday. It went very well. Only minimal pain and i slept all afternoon & evening on monday. They called and told me of the 14 mature eggs, 12 of them fertilized. As of today all 12 had divided and were growing. We are having a 5 day transfer on Saturday and transferring one egg. I know that's a gamble, but with my history of twins in both families, we run the high risk of triplets if we transfer 2 and i'm just not willing to go that route. Plus with me only being 31 years old, they feel that one good one is as good as 2 good ones. The % on a 5 day transfer from 2 to 1 is only a 5% difference. I'm willing to try it with one. Hopefully we have a few to freeze too so that we have something in the future without having to go through it again.

Finally Something I have looks Good! lol

I had my first U/S for my IVF process to see if everything was a go. I had to be at the dr. office at 8 am which is an hour drive from my house. Then after the U/S go to the lab for bloodwork. I didn't get to work until almost 11 a.m. But I have a system now, so when I go tomorrow I know how to get into the lab quicker rather than waiting for 45 mins.

The worst part is waiting for the clinic to call you in the afternoon to tell you it's a go or somethings wrong. I was really worried something was wrong, because I started AF that morning and had some serious pain on the side where everything is tangled up. She called around 1:30 though and told me that everything looked wonderful. It looked good enough they were going to lower my levels of stims to proceed with caution so I'm not overstimulated. That made me feel alot better. To actually hear that everything looks wonderful was a sigh of relief. I haven't had anything "look" wonderful since this process started almost a year ago. We've always been told what they figured they'd find, or how they expected it to work out, and nothing was as planned. To have something as planned was awesome!!!

Stims started Friday night, the only major thing is I have this crazy headache that won't go away. But I'm plugging through it, nothing major, nothing Migraine like so I can handle it. I go again tomorrow for a monitoring appointment. If everything goes as planned my ER is Nov 1st and ET will be Nov 5th. Which means by Thanksgiving we should know if it worked or not! :)

1 Week Down

And so far so good! The only major side effects are tiredness which my friends just tell me is preparing me for if i do get pregnant and the pregnancy fatigue that goes along with it. I've been drinking about 80 oz of water a day which i think has helped with any possible headaches. So far so good. I know the worse part comes next friday with the stims but so far I'm doing ok!

Day 1

Is here! EEEEK!!!!! I'm so nervous I might have to poo! lol. I don't know why, I've done other "hormone altering" drugs before and am used to feeling crazy, hot flashes, etc. Granted those were in the middle of January when it was 10 below zero out! It just means it's here. And I think that scares me! But I'm ready. I almost wish we had schedule it early so i didn't have time think about it. I'm such a scaredy cat.

On a non-infertile topic, Jill's wedding was yesterday and it couldn't have gone any better. It was 75 degrees and sunny, for Oct 8th, that is UNHEARD of in NW PA! She looked great! Everyone had a wonderful time. Best Wishes for her and Rick and happily ever after!

Now I'm off to read for a little while to keep my mind off of my shots tonight at 9 pm!

One More Week...

One week from tonight I start my first injection on this crazy rollercoaster ride of IVF. I have to admit, I had a minor mental breakdown in the parking lot of walgreen's on Thursday night when I picked up my medication. It was VERY overwhelming. I was pretty sure I couldn't do it. But I sucked it up (along with a small milkshake), shook off the uncertainty and moved on my way. Can't go back now, we've come way too far. It's just very intimidating. I know I can do it, I just doubt myself at times.

Scheduled!!!

That's right, my IVF is scheduled. I will start my injections of Lupron on Oct 9, 2011. My stims will start on Oct 21st, with my baseline u/s scheduled for that day. My tentative ER is Nov 1st with transfer on the 5th. I should know by turkey day if I'm PG from this cycle or not.

I am trying to not get overly excited. I realize this is a process and sometimes doesn't always happen on the first shot. It's kind of like playing the lottery with one other person. It's a 50-50 chance you'll win. Kind of scary.

I feel kind of robbed. Robbed of the joy of an 'unexpected' positive pregnancy test. Robbed of the excitement of trying to conceive and it just 'happening.' Has it made me bitter? At times, yes it has. There are times when I just want to scream WHY ME, WHAT DID I DO TO CAUSE THIS? But then I remember there are worse things that could happen, I have my health (for the most part), a great family, wonderful husband, and the best friends a girl could ask for. I am a very lucky person. But sometimes, it gets the best of me and I just want to shout What The F*@$ from the rooftops sometimes!

DH has told me all summer long to just suck it up, lose the bitterness, etc. Then we went for our IVF consolation and the reality finally hit him. This is the ONLY way we can conceive is with medical science. We have become stronger because of it, but we still bicker here and there like every couple under stress does! We wouldn't be us without the little bickering here and there! :)

Another Baby

My friend Amanda had her second child yesterday and i had the pleasure again to be in the c-section room with her. Her family lost her sister during child birth about 3 years ago so she's asked me each time. It's awesome to be able to experience the birth of a child. It's kind of bittersweet though knowing that we haven't made it to that moment yet ourselves, however she is my best friend and I am very happy for her.

Little Miss MacKenzie Mae was born on 8/11 at 9:11 a.m. and is doing wonderful. Her big sister Amie Sue is so happy to be a big sister, even if she is only 19 months old! :) Welcome MacKenzie, you have a wonderful lovable family!!!

31

No not the party, that's my actual age since Thursday. It wasn't near as hard as 30 was. I have come to the realization that things don't happen by a certain time or an age, they happen when they happen.

My birthday was wonderful. Momma brought a cake to work, everyone loves my mom's cakes. They are wonderful! The cake and the sugary frosting! DH sent flowers and took me to a wonderful dinner! Next week at the beach I get to pick out a new purse at the Coach store! :) Very exciting!!!!!! Our dinner was up on the lake and even though it was 100 degrees it was a very tasty dinner.

Things to accomplish by next year...become more proactive rather than reactive! :)

Total Reality Check

We went to Cleveland last week to the fertility dr. to discuss our options. We know there is really only one option, bring on the science baby!!!! Luckily my broken pipes are the only thing that preventing us from a real pregnancy. I ovulate great eggs every month and dh's sperm is FABULOUS! So I guess we have a better chance in this lottery than others I know. The clinic itself was awesome. They are professional, yet compassionate. We could've started THIS WEEK. How crazy is it that I have waited 2 years for this moment and I'm like...uh I need just ONE MORE WEEK!!! :) Crazy Crazy!!!

We are scheduled to go on Vacation in 2 weeks, so our plan is to enjoy it, then when we come back sit down and hash out the details and set a schedule up. I have to mentally psych myself up for 37+ days of injections. YEEHAW!!!! Bring on the BITCH! :)

A Raise...yet one I have to work for! Literally!

So after making it very clear to the bosses son on Friday I was no impressed with the high amount of $$ we are paying new people, I was called in yesterday and informed I was getting a pay raise because they appreciate my time that i have put in and my dedication to the company. I also made it clear to my boss that I may have a time in the future where I will need to come in late every other day for a few weeks to have bloodwork and u/s done. And that I appreciate what they have done, however, I understand if they want to move me to hourly and I will take those hours without pay. He told me that the company will pay me no matter how many hours I need to take off during that period and thanked me for being upfront with him over this situation and I still get my raise.

I seriously think they want me to work for my raise. Today I found out at 4:30 that I had to have a presentation ready for my boss by 8 a.m. tomorrow. So here I sit at home working on a presentation so I can get it emailed by 10 p.m. tonight. Yeehaw!!!!

Go Big or Go Home

I swear that's my husband's philosophy in life. I wanted a real swimming pool this year and I got enough in my annual bonus to buy one. We are big on not aquiring debt for a hobby or entertainment purposes. Well I wanted a 21' or an 18' and he ordered the 24' round pool. 15,000 gallons of pure summer entertainment. He surprised me tuesday when I was golfing and had it installed so it's installed and completely full and it's FREAKING HUGE!!!! I swear I may need to telephathically connect to the person on the other side of it. I am calling it the big white elephant of the back yard. lol.

It's a good thing we paid to have it installed because although we love each other very much, construction projects are not our strong suit together. Last night we put the ladder together and in the pool, it took us 2 HOURS to install just the ladder. And patience was very thin by that time! Now I just need the sunshine to enjoy it. Come ON SUNSHINE!!! :)

Post-Op Appt.

I had my post-op appointment on Monday after my surgery. I had a feeling I knew what they were going to tell me but I had never let on to anyone. I have endometriosis and I have 2 blocked tubes that are unable to be unblocked. I have a 5% chance of conceiving without medical assistance. The dr. bascially said that you can do what you want and wait but you wouldn't quit your job today, planning on winning the lottery tonight.

So I have an appointment with an RE in Cleveland on July 14th to see what my options are and what the costs will be. We know it will be costly but we are willing to see what it's all about.

There are a few people at work that know what we are planning on doing. Most people are very understanding. I don't want alot of people to know because I don't want to be "that" person. The one that people feel sorry for. And frankly I don't want to hear everyone's opinion. I had one coworker the other day tell me that what I am looking into is "unethical." Well there are a lot worse things I could be doing than this!!! Unethical?? Kiss my big butt!!!

Nervous

Tomorrow I get the results of my sonogram I had last week and I'm a little nervous. So nervous I took the whole day off work because I didn't really want to go back if i get bad news. I just keep fearing the worst and I don't know why. Last night I had a minor breakdown around 2 am. Thankfully he was sleeping and didn't hear me. I just don't get it. I don't get why it's me. One in 100 people, and I'm the 1! Go figure!

Good news though...dustin had his septoplasty and polyp removal yesterday and is doing really good. He took today off work because I made him but I think he's glad he did. He was bored all day but he rested which he needed. Now all he wants to do is pick his big boogers and I won't let him!!! lol.

Another Dr. Visit, Another Test

Well I was supposed to go to the Dr. next friday for a sonogram and for an appointment after the sonogram to find out what is going on with my crazy woman parts. But...I was 6 days early yesterday, so in order to find out what's going on they want to do my sonogram during my period. But unfortunately they couldn't reschedule my dr. appointment for the same day. So my sono is tomorrow and my dr. appointment is next friday. Wouldn't be so bad if it didn't take a 1/2 day to go there, and drive back to work. So I miss 1/2 day of work both days. But if they find out what's wrong, I'm thrilled. I can't handle the digging pains anymore on my left side. And 6 days early, WTF!!!! Nothing like being unprepared on khaki day! UGH!!!!

Spring has Sprung if only for a few days...

Spring is finally here, It's gorgeous out today! I know it won't last but I'll enjoy it while it's here. 60's in Pennsylvania in March is almost unheard of. This week is FINALLY over. Let the weekend begin!!!!! The past couple weeks have been extremely busy at work, it seems the more people we hire, the dumber they are. I'm not being harsh, I'm being serious. I have never seen a more lazy group of people who think they should only have to work 4 hours in an 8 hour day and goof off the other 4 hours. Hopefully it will get better soon. It has to, right????

This weekend I have a baby shower. I'm not real enthused about going, but then again, why would I be. I will go, paint on a happy face, and then come home and eat a donut! haha! Food lately has been my friend, and my ever expanding waist shows it. It's hard to combat this problem and not get upset and stressed about it. 2 years is an extremely long time, and especially since every single person I know seems to be pregnant. I feel like people are always feeling sorry for me, like they KNOW what's going on, even though those that know are few and far between. My goal for next week is to get to the gym 3 times next week. Maybe that will help me cope with this. I doubt it but it's worth a try!

I fought the deer, and the deer won!

Well after 4 years of living here in the middle of nowhere, I hit a stupid deer. I hit it this morning on my way to work. I didn't even see him, he just leaped over the guard rail and right into my car. I was just eating my breakfast and THUD. I actually said out loud "SON OF A B!TCH!" Then I kind of had to laugh. Of course that's my way of getting through things lately. Just laugh, it's harder to get mad or cry that way. I didn't think it was that bad, until I got to work. Yup, he got both doors, the fender, the bumper and the headlight casing. This is going to be costly, thankfully i have GREAT insurance!!! This was honestly my first claim ever since I started driving 14 years ago, so I am very lucky. Someone asked at work how I could just laugh. Well...easy, it's a car. A material possession. Yes, it's my way to get to work and yes it's a newer car, but it's just a car. The most important things in live, aren't things at all!

Spring Cleaning

It's that time again to spring clean. Unfortunately since we put the new floors in, we haven't gotten all the boxes unpacked so I guess that's going to be part of the spring cleaning this year. I love my house, I do, but we are seriously lacking some kitchen space. I think I may head to home depot to check out premade pantrys to see if I can get one to fit in our kitchen. At this point we are not going to redo the kitchen anytime soon and i need more storage space.

I finally told my dad about our issues. He didn't have a clue. I only let him know because i know it's gotta be running around in his head why we haven't had one yet since we've been married almost 4 years. He just asked what they are doing. I explained what they are going to do now and what they may do in the future. The last resort is $15,000 for only a 60% chance. So that one I said we probably wouldn't go with due to the cost of it, or it would be a VERY last resort and a one time shot.